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Post by otisbacon on Sept 3, 2006 7:33:50 GMT -5
Dear Diary,
Only I know what it is to be a lonely, piano playing pig. You're the only one who patiently listens to my blue tale and understands fully the complexities of my station in life.
I'm considering plastic surgery. You know, a nip here, a tuck there, a nose job, a cheek reduction, an ear job, a tail removal, a hoof job, etc.. I just want to be treated more like a person and thus far, just being a nice pig isn't doing the job.
Have any suggestions or advice? Oh yeh, you don't respond. Crap, I may as well be talking to a piece of corn! Atleast I could eat that. I suppose I could eat you, but I'm sure that would be viewed as nonhuman behavior.
Well, now that I've gotten this off my chest I think I need a good wallow. Talk to you later. Sincerely yours......Otis Bacon
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Post by pygmalion on Sept 5, 2006 6:46:05 GMT -5
Dear Master of all things Porcine:
It is said that there is nothing wasted with a pig except the squeal. This diary must have blue writing paper as this entry adresses changing everything except gender. There is only one prescription for woebegone wallowing- get out there and make some music!
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Post by otisbacon on Sept 5, 2006 8:05:07 GMT -5
Wow......the diary spoke back! Some of the best advice is the simplest. I think I'll try that this Friday at 5:00 at the Shamrock in Marquette. It's crazy, but it just might work. Thanks Pyg!
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Post by otisbacon on Sept 5, 2006 8:12:59 GMT -5
I had to think about the gender comment for a minute. Actually this spring I made it half way to the other side when running the rototiller. I popped the left side of my current gender and found a new register in my singing voice that I hadn't had before. Alas, it was very painful, I feel somewhat attached to the what's left, and Tiny Tim already staked out the high road. In addition, I've heard Fruedian allusions to human males being endowed like certain animals......ya know......"Wow, that guy is hung like a pig!"
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Post by pygmalion on Sept 7, 2006 6:30:29 GMT -5
Re: Genderness Stuff
Again I have to resort to simplicity (my legion of detractors assert, not without reasons which shall remain unaddressed, that I'm genetically incapable of doing otherwise) and recant a truism from a survivor of testicular cancer:
"If you cut the left one off, the right one is left"
You are correct in avoiding the high road as the low road is your superhighway. Harking back to nature and animals, permit me the observation that Otis may be lower than a snake's belly in a wheel rut!
Further Affiant sayeth not.
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Post by otisbacon on Sept 8, 2006 7:04:06 GMT -5
Now T H A T was truly funny!!!!!! (right/left)
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